Still Can't Catch My Breath

I thought I might be left gasping for breath. I wasn't sure if it would be the blood pooling in the chest cavity or the goo squirting out of the organs that would get to me. I thought that maybe the appalling smell or disgusting texture would leave me breathless. I also considered that the sound of ribs being broken and skulls being sawed open might bring me to my knees.

I had no idea that the beauty of the human body would leave me gasping for air.

I'm clerking for the Los Angeles District Attorney for the second half of this summer, and my supervisor thought it would be a good idea to have me witness an autopsy. Today was the day that I was subjected to and enlightened by the demolition of a dead body for scientific purposes. I, along with two other attorneys and two medical students, watched an autopsy of a 24 year old Guatemalan guy from the side of the autopsy table (yes, close enough to see, hear, smell and even touch the body).

I never once felt squeamish or weak at the side of the blood, skin, bone and organs. In fact, I was immediately intrigued. The wonders of the human body that I've heard about my entire life were right there in front of me. I was struck breathless by the beauty and intricacy of the design of our chest cavity. The way that our organs are situated next to each other seems to be a seamless fit. I was truly in awe at the depth of purpose and design that is inherent in our physical bodies.

I don't ever want to see another autopsy, but I'm pretty happy that I saw this one.

It's a little like TV

I watched a lot of Law and Order with my parents as a kid. You could say that is why I'm in law school, but my Mom will tell you differently. She'll say that Law and Order made me want to be a cop so I could catch the bad guys and make them follow the rules. Either way, I have a very clear image of prosecutors and defense attorneys formed in my mind due to the silver screen. Now that I'm an incredibly experienced trial attorney (eight weeks clerking in the DA's office makes you experienced, right?), I can tell you that it is a little like TV.

I think the typical courtroom drama on television is pretty similar to the drama I experienced in court this summer. Listening to a jury scream and yell in the back room during deliberation is a pretty tense moment to sit through. Waiting for the judge to find probable cause or rule on a motion to suppress is equally tough on the nerves. Further, delivering the closing argument and arguing over who to strike in voir dire are pressure filled moments that thicken the atmosphere of the court. I generally left court emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted due to the drama and pressure of the day. Imagine a six hour episode of Law and Order in which you are responsible for the verdict!

There is one huge difference between real life and television courtroom drama. The people you're dealing with, including yourself, are human and will make mistakes. The facts are rarely neat, the law is rarely obvious and the people are rarely reliable. For example, police officers don't always track down every single lead and record every detail of the crime scene. Attorneys aren't able to spend hours researching case law in their massive legal libraries. Moreover, judges aren't poring over every word out of the attorney's mouth.

Regardless of the stress, pressure and inevitable opportunity for disappointment, I cannot wait to be a litigator. It is simultaneously a difficult mental exercise and an emotional roller coaster. Litigators are required to care for their clients while appearing calm and confident in front of the court. They have to be quick on their toes and deliberate in their speech. Litigators are a rare breed of confident experts that have to relate to the juror next door.